The Argument Against Community, Part Three

Read parts one and two of this essay.

This is the longest section because I have found it the most difficult to articulate. In America, where "family values" are coveted by every social class and political party, it isn't easy to see why family might not be an inherent good. Nonetheless, the fourth argument against community in American culture is...

4) The priority of family. At first glance, family appears to be an ally of community. And in many ways, it is. Families are fundamental building blocks of community involvement and networking. People who are strongly invested in families are often also invested in community. Like a community, families connect individuals to a social network outside of themselves. They therefore play a similar role in the individual's life.

In this similiarity, however, lies the danger. Because a family can look so much like a community, and because family life promotes so many of the same values as community life, family and community are often viewed interchangeably. This is a mistake. The two should be viewed as distinct. In fact, the family can frequently be the enemy of community.

What I am trying to say here must be carefully nuanced, because I don't want to imply that family is never beneficial to community life. The clearest example of the distinction between community and family, however, might be seen in a person who converts from the religion of his family (or the non-religion of his family) to another religion. At the heart of religion, or at least, at the heart of the Christian religion, is community. (More on this in future posts.) Joining the community life of the new religion will almost certainly require breaking away from full membership in family life.

For example, a man from a Christian family who becomes Jewish may no longer observe Christmas and Easter. He may choose to respect his family and celebrate with family traditions, but his heart will not move in unity with that of his family as it once did. Or, more radically, he may come to see these traditions as antithetical to his new beliefs, and wholely reject everything about his family traditions. The man's true "home" is now found with his religious community. He is, ultimately, an outsider to his family, and his family are outsiders to his community.

Even when one's family and one's community are mostly in sync, family can become the enemy of true community. The family is an extension of the self, so pride and selfishness are ongoing threats. In many cultures, family clans dominate social life. The families of Romeo and Juliet don't seem to be that different from one another. Yet, family pride - genetic pride - consumes lives and destroys community. How many churches have been damaged by a pastor's desire to "pass down" the pulpit to his son, as if a church is a family business? How many pastor's children have been scarred because their parents failed to negotiate the treacherous channel between family and community?

Imagine a religious order - ostensibly a community of faith dedicated to common values - but one to which several sets of siblings happen to belong. There may be many situations in which those siblings are asked to choose between family and community. If family is chosen often enough, then the community will splinter. This tension can be seen in the Gospels, when James and John (brothers) argue about who among the disciples will be greatest. Fortunately, the brothers among the disciples (not only James and John, but also Peter and Andrew) placed their community and the mission of God above family loyalties.

There are pockets of America where family is considered "sacred." Given the tensions between family and community, I don't think it should be surprising that, in these are same pockets, newcomers often have difficulty in making a home, and ethnic or racial tensions are often high. "Family values" do not necessarily include hospitality, justice, righteousness, or even love, the marks of true community.